I Quit!

I quit my job and I have no idea what I’m going to do next.  

I took a break from blogging (as I’m sure you noticed).  This probably happened for a few reasons:

• I wasn’t traveling and the “what’s happening in Singapore” stuff was getting mundane
• I am lazy
• And, probably the biggest one, I was starting to become really unhappy with my job.  

At first, I was just really busy, but then a real discontent started to build and boil over and I wasn’t sure how to blog without sharing that.  And I wasn’t ready to share it, because at that time I probably couldn’t have named that feeling inside of me as “discontent.”  I was just so IN it.  In the mess of it.  I didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t know how.

I came to Singapore with such EXPECTATIONS.  Oh boy, were they high.  I thought pretty much everything was going to be perfect.  Even when people told me, “You’ll have rough days,” I smiled and nodded in that same polite way you do to your grandmother when she tells you “that dress would look so nice with a few inches added to the hemline” but actually thought they had no idea what they were talking about.  Singapore was going to be the end-all, be-all, the crowning jewel on my achievement crown, the ultimate.  In Singapore, I would fit.  In Singapore, I would be challenged.  In Singapore, I would succeed.  In Singapore, I would be happy.  I’d rock my job, I’d find fabulous cosmopolitan friends and I’d rule the world.  Realistic, right?  And I struggled with reality every step of the way (shocking).  I was constantly feeling disappointed by things small and large.  I’d regret those sky-high expectations had I not learned what a gift they were.  I’m a pretty risk-averse person.  I love to plan as a way to guarantee outcomes and I’m very afraid of things not working out, of failing.  Without being so damn sure of my success in Singapore, I wouldn’t have made the leap.  If I hadn’t thought it would all turn out so great, I may never have come.  

So there I was, metaphorically facedown in the fountain that centers my twin-tower office park.  I was drowning.  I tried to swim for a while, but it was more of a panicked doggy-paddle where I’d come up for air every now and again before getting sucked back into the swirling mass.  

The suggestion to “walk away,” to quit, was not an easy one for me to accept.  People suggested it many times.  I even thought it and quickly dismissed the idea.  I, Molly Edwards, do not quit.  In fact, I refuse to quit.  Stubborn much?  Eventually I came to see this answer as the right one for me, but it was so hard.  It still is hard some days.  I am Type A.  I identify with my career (yikes).  I begged for this job and was reassured by some people whom I really love that I was smart enough to succeed.  So I couldn’t quit, because if I did, that would mean that they were wrong and that I wasn’t smart or hard-working or educated or tough or whatever-ENOUGH.  And I couldn’t stand for that! I’d built this nice life for myself and was surrounded by like-minded expats and I couldn’t stand the thought of not fitting in with them.  Of quitting and going home.   And the guilt.  Oh my god, the guilt.  And SO much worrying about what everyone would think when I ended up coming home after just one year.  So, what did I do?  I dug in my heels and I kept drowning (I’m mixing land and sea metaphors here, but just go with it). I got so sucked into proving I could, rather than stepping back and asking if I really even wanted to.

It has taken many, many conversations with those closest to me about what I should do.  It has taken months of sleepless nights, questions, not enough answers, swirling mass, journaling, reading, crying, meditating, talking, trying, begging, and more talking for me to finally tap into ME.   For me to finally come to the seemingly simple conclusion to walk away.  These months have been the worst.  They’ve also been the best.  Once I figured out what I needed to do (my “ah ha!” moment as Oprah would call it) and understood that I had the unwavering support of my loved ones, I turned in my notice.

So, I've quit my job and I have no idea what I'm going to do next. Professionally, at least. Brandon and I will be back in the USA starting in July for one month before setting out on a three month European odyssey. We'll then return home for the holidays and I'll hopefully start working again in the new year. I'm absolutely terrified that I'll be unemployed or underemployed forever, that prospective employers will shake their heads at my sabbatical, that quitting makes me lazy, that I'm no longer "one of the expats." But I've finally started putting more weight in what I think about my own choices and I've finally stopped running from one thing to the next. It feels pretty damn good to finally be intentionally chasing feelings and experiences instead.  

Two Months!

Two month-iversary!  I actually missed this by two days because I forgot what day I actually arrived.  I think that might be a good sign?

I'm continuing to feel more and more settled here in Singapore.  It's such a nice feeling!  I still miss all my home people a lot, but I'm beginning to feel like I'll be home "soon" and that's comforting.  By month three I'll finally have my permanent apartment and it will be all mine - it will be so nice to have my own place again.

My favourite things, so far, about being an expat:
- Adding diverse, worldly and ambitious people to my life
- Being challenged everyday
- Getting to know myself better and having the opportunity to work on some things

My least favourite things:
- Nothing is familiar or comfortable
- Life doesn't really feel "normal" -- kind of feels like you're on vacation all the time
- Being lonely (without really being alone)
- The Asian way of doing business

What I'm most looking forward to in the next couple months:
- Travel! (I ticked off Hong Kong and Malaysia in the last month)
- Visitors!
- Feeling more competent at work
- Trip home
- Brandon moving!

What have you been up to?!?!

Good freaking question, my devoted readers.  Here are some event tidbits/random musings since I arrived home from HK.

- I was getting in a pretty good workout routine...and then work got really busy and ruined that.

- Pre-season football has started, eh?  I'm SO sad I won't be able to watch any of it this year.

- I knew Maggie in college, although we didn't attend the same college.  Now, years laters, she's living in Tokyo with her husband and she accompanied him on a business trip to SG, so we met up for a drink.  We were kind of unlikely friends back in the day, so it's super fun that we've kept in touch and now live similar lives.

- Been having regular dinners with my, now former, flatmates.  We went to Smith's, which apparently  is the only acceptable place in SG to eat fish 'n chips because they serve mushy peas.  I wasn't crazy about the mushy peas, but the fish 'n chips were amazing.  As was the "chip sandwich" which is two pieces of white bread slathered in butter with fries in the middle.  How America didn't invent that first, I'll never know.  We also went to pizza and tried our hands at trivia again.

- Lucy (Australian friend I met through Australian/Denver friend Jules) and I went for a Friday lunch mani/pedi adventure.  We got a Groupon which was only $18SGD and the experience....left something to be desired.  Our goal is to hit up every salon in SG and write detailed reviews.  High ambitions over here!

- Work.  Ah yes, I mentioned above it's ramping up.  Which is actually great because I like to be busy and challenged, but it's also scary because they're slowly taking the training wheels off.  Eek!

- One of my good friends in SG (and fellow Colorado native!) had a birthday and we did a fancy hotel brunch to celebrate her.

Alyssa lived in Vail until she was 13 and then moved to New Zealand, so I guess she's more Kiwi than anything, but I love my Colorado girl :)

The day started innocently enough at the Fullerton Bay Hotel.  There was a fully decked bloody mary bar, where I was repeatedly told I was the bloody mary expert.  It's true.  I'm just glad these foreigners realize it. 

 Casey.  Love this girl to bits.  As she said "We're the same person, just different colors."

A few drinks in I was very excited about this 27.  Because, ya know, I'm 27.  

The whole day/night was so amazingly fun and silly.  Highlights:  I tried to steal a non-English-speaking baby, I earned a new alter ego, Mandy, and I managed to stay out for 12 whole hours.  Happy birthday, Alyssa!  Please don't have another one too soon or we won't survive.

- I referenced the now former flatmates above.  Ben (Tay-Tay) and Karl (Karly) have been THE most amazing flatmates.  They gave me a roof and 90% of my social circle, they answer all my silly questions and they're always up for evening chats on the couch.  The might be the first flatmates I've actually enjoyed and I'm a bit sad that we're saying our goodbyes...just as flatmates, they can't get rid of me that easily!  "I'll fiiiiiind you."

- Soooo, with them moving out and the lease ending, I needed a new place.  And I finally found and finalized one!  One of my first friends in Singapore is moving back to the UK to study, so her place was up for grabs.  It's in an HDB (Housing Development Board), so it's kinda like gov't subsidised housing.  It's still in a tall condo building, just without the fanciness of condos.  For example, my current place is covered in white marble, has floor to ceiling windows and is just gorgeous.  The new place lacks some of that modernization and the pool and gym BUT it's much more affordable AND in the BEST neighborhood in Singapore.  The new place is a 2 bedroom, which means visitors have a dedicated guest room.  COME VISIT.  Andddd BONUS! Brandon is moving out in December!  Eeee!  He also just murdered the GMAT.  Like seriously murdered it.  I don't know what the world's business schools are gonna do without their go-to standardized test.

- My sweet, darling, hilarious, perfect nugget of a nephew turned 5 this week.  It was super sad for me to miss his actual day AND his birthday party last weekend.  My family is so great at keeping me updated with pictures and up to the day accounts of things, but I'm pretty obsessed with that kid and being away for something such as this has been pretty heartbreaking for me.

So, tell me, what have YOU been up to?  Seriously, send me an email or something just so I know you guys haven't forgotten about me.  And so you can tell me about your life and stuff.  :)

Hong Kong! #mollyinhk

Singapore celebrates its independence on August 9, aka National Day.  This year, Singapore applied for AARP membership and turned 50!  Watch out, world!  It felt (and feels) very weird that Singapore is still so young, but National Day prompted me to read up about a lot of SG history and it's super fascinating.  If you're into learning about the world and shit, Google some articles. I digress....SO for SG 50 Singapore gave its nation an extra holiday, which meant a 4 day weekend.  Holler!  The few friends I had back in early July ALL had plans to leave SG, so I was feeling like I needed to make some plans of my own.  Brandon has some great friends expatting in Hong Kong, so it was the perfect opportunity to go somewhere a little further away.  It was kind of funny planning this trip, because I had never actually met the Harlows (Matt and Holly) before, but true to form for all of Brandon's friends, they welcomed me with open arms even though it was their last weekend in Hong Kong.  Good people, I tell ya.   

Day 1:  After a delayed flight, an attempt at standby and the most beautiful in-air lightning show, I finally made it to HK...just a couple hours late.  Sweet Matthew game me excellent instructions and picked me up at the HK central train station and whisked me off to dinner at Brickhouse with his wife and a coworker and friend, Shawn.  Delicious cocktails and tacos.  Then, we were off to their neighborhood of Wan Chai to drop off my bag and see live music and have more drinks.  Well, Matthew took my bag up to their 5th floor walk up, while we all headed to the bar.  We first went to Dusk Till Dawn where there were beers, musicians, super tight pants and an encore appearance (by us) when we heard a Taylor Swift song start #expats.  After the live music we went to Cinta J, which was one of the most hilarious experiences of my life and the strangest/best thing I've done in a long time.  Holly and Matt are practically celebrities there, so if you go without them your experience will likely suffer, but it's still absolutely worth a visit.  

The famous Harlows and me at Cinta J.  You can blame Shawn and my shit iPhone 5 for the photo quality. 

Day 2:  After stumbling home around 4am, we woke noonish to go to Dim Sum.  I LOVE Dim Sum.  I'm not really sure why, because I'm not a SUPER adventurous eater, I just wait for my tried and true favorites.  But I love it and it was one of the things I really wanted to do in HK.  We went to Maxim's and it was awesome.  After brunch, we booked it to the ferry to go to the Kowloon side of HK.  The ferry is hella cheap and Kowloon is where you can really take in the amazing HK skyline.  It was pretty smoggy this day in HK, which was a bummer, but I know from Holly's pics that the sky CAN be quite blue and beautiful.  

 On Kowloon we went to Matthew's tried and true tailor William Cheng & Son so he could have some suits made and I got myself a shirt.  Pretty excited for it to arrive.  We wandered around Kowloon a bit, had our photos taken by some Chinese tourists (a first for the #harlowsinhk) and went back to Hong Kong Island so that we could CLIMB Victoria Peak.  Now, there is a paved path, but it was 97 that day, so we were not clean when we arrived.  The view was worth it and we celebrated our summit with a cocktail.

Thankfully, we took a cab back down where we got ready for dinner at Hot Pot!

After dinner we went to Stockton for delicious cocktails and champers, where I had fun and 2 glasses of champers for about two hours until I tossed my cookies.  I had been feeling sick for a while at the bar, but was really trying to hold it together for the Harlows' last weekend in HK, but then I just couldn't.  I'm not convinced it was something I ate because we all at the same stuff all day and I promise it wasn't the booze.  I know everyone who knows me is laughing at this because I can be quite the puker, but I promise.  I promptly went home and got into bed.

Day 3:  The next day I awoke feeling much better, so we still planned on our BEACH DAY (as Matt put it in his email to me).  We took a long taxi to Sai Wan on the Kowloon side in the New Territories and then hiked out to Ham Tin.

This made me so happy I squealed.  #wildlife #nature

I drank zero water after I got sick the night before, then had a coffee and water before the hike and about an hour into the hike I got sick again.  It was another hot day and we were in the sun and I was clearly dehydrated and malnourished and overdoing it.  At this point, I didn't want to turn back because the only way out was to hike (or summon the chopper hovering nearby), so I pressed on.  But I was going SO SLOW and SHAKING LIKE A LEAF the whole time.  Sweet, sweet Matthew helped me carry my stuff, made me feel less guilt about slowing the group down, and encouraged me to eat and and have some water.  By the time the hike was over and we had made it to the beach I was shaking so bad I could barely walk downhill, my hands had started to go numb and I was experiencing bad shortness of breath - I felt like I was wheezing.  The words "heart attack" kept running through my head.  I promise I'm not a ninny!  I have backpacked above tree line!  But I was maybe the most scared I've ever been for my health. But I knew water and rest and food and the ocean were ahead of me.  I immediately jumped in the water to cool off and we had lunch at the nearby shack, which was DELICIOUS.

Then it was time to head out and thankfully we were taking a boat back.  There's no fucking way I would've hiked again :)

The boat ride back was so insanely gorgeous.  This is the one snap I got as we were nearing port.  The boat was open and went VERY fast and the water was quite choppy, so taking photos would mean risking an iPhone, and after the day I'd had, I just wasn't up to that.  But it was so stunning.  I can't wait to go back. The boat took us to Sai Kung (still in the New Territories) where we had an amazing seafood feast.

 These boats were lined up, stocked with fresh catches that people would buy. 

 More.

 More still.  Would you just LOOK at that guy?!  How old do you think he is?

HK's version of crab mac.  We were skeptical, but we were NOT disappointed.  AND I got to have some shitty local beer!  One of my favorite things to do whilst traveling (true fact). 

After dinner, sweet, sweet Holly braved the torrential downpour to get us gelato to eat while we waited for the cab home.  Minus the whole near death experience, I absolutely LOVED this day.  This is something so different and unexpected for the HK tourist and I felt so lucky to have Matt, Holly and Shawn to share it with me.  

Day 4:  I left with Matt for work so he could walk me to the train and explain to me how to get to to that big Buddha belly.  The journey was long and I'm glad I checked it off the list, but the Big Buddha is probably a one and done kind of thing (bless sweet Holly who has gone MANY times with visitors).  Here are some snaps:

 On approach

It was the perfect amount of fog to be eerie without covering the Buddha. 

Arrived!  I realized I have a bit of a uniform for hiking Chinese landmarks (see Great Wall pics from 2013)

A few of the Six Devas making offerings to the Tian Tan Buddha. 

After Buddha, I took a bus to the small fishing village of Tai O based on the recommendation from one of my American friends in SG who grew up in HK.

The smell of dried fish is really lovely.

It was kind of a neat add on since I was already on Lantau Island, but it's nothing to write home about (yet, here I am, writing home about it).  This was a great day to my introverted self where I got to play with my DSLR and independently explore.  I have more pics, but this is already closing in the record for world's longest blog post, so let's just move things along, shall we?

Went back to Honk Kong Island where Holly and I polished off some pork buns at the famed Tim Ho Wan restaurant.  Why is it famed, you ask? Well, it's known as the cheapest Michelin star restaurant in the world.  And the pork buns were seriously to die.  Then, Holls and I wandered around to the mid-levels (or as Brandon would tell you, "the fancy part of town") where we did a little shopping.  I got a new wallet as an HK souvenir, designed by an HK artist and I realized the other day that it's navy/dark coral colors are kind of Bronco colors.  Woop! We also stopped by the Man Mo temple.  

 Loved this swirly hanging incense.

It was fun to have some girl time shopping and chatting.  Then it was time to head to the airport for my delayed flight home.  JetStar, you're a nightmare dressed like a daydream.  

Hong Kong was AMAZING.  Truly a city I could see myself living in.  Has so much culture (which SG is lacking) and the natural beauty was a huge surprise, but a pleasant one.  Obviously the trip was sweetened by the amazing Harlows and Shawn who housed me, took care of my weak ass (I'm chalking this one up to heat stroke), and let me tag along on all the adventures.  Matt and Holly are two of the sweetest human beings.  And their friend Shawn is hilarious - I'm looking forward to our paths crossing again soon on our Asian adventures.  I don't know why it always "surprises" me, but it does, Brandon has the BEST friends in the world (except for Dave - who even likes that guy?!).  He has the best because he, himself, is the best.  Thank you, Harlows!!  Breaks my heart that you're leaving Asia because you two are absolute gems, but I'm already looking forward to visiting you in NYC.  

Singapore Expats - What I Wish I Knew

This won't be relevant to my regular readers, but just in case someone googles "how to be an expat in Singapore," I've put this list together.  This will be extra relevant for American expats in Singapore, but some things could probably apply more broadly.  Some of this stuff I knew I should do before I left, but just ran out of time, but I should've prioritized it.  Please note, this is not an exhaustive or perfect list, but it's what I've learned and found to be most useful in my first 5 weeks - I'm sure this list would/will look a whole lot different in another month, a year, etc.

Before I moved, I reached out to so many people, Googled, read blogs and books and thought I had all the info I needed, and then I got here and learned new things everyday.  I feel it's my duty as an expat to pass this info on - after all, we must stick together out here, our lives are rough :)

Housing
- To rent something on your own, use the websites Property Guru or 99.co
- If you're looking for a room share, use Homie, EasyRoommate, or join the following Facebook groups:  Flat & Flatmates in Singapore, Find your room in SG, The Only Way is...singapore (this one also has lots of random helpful info), Housing Singapore

Don't feel bad about living in expat neighbourhoods or buildings.  If you were still at home living in Milwaukee, San Jose, Austin, wherever, you would want to live with people with a similar lifestyle, and that doesn't magically change just because you're living in a different country.  [I struggled with this weird sense of guilt about wanting to live with other professional expats for a while until my sweet friend Casey talked some sense into me.]

Groceries
Cold Storage is the most expensive, Fair Price is a bit cheaper and Giant is cheaper still.  There are "wet markets" that sell produce cheaply and also meat (but I personally wouldn't buy meat there).  You'll be able to get everything you did at home, although some of it will come with a HUGE price sticker.  Anything you know you'll want from home, bring it (i.e. jarred pesto, seasonings, Mexican food ingredients, chia seeds, flax seeds, quinoa, etc.)

I'd also recommend taking an Asian cooking class.  I don't really know how to cook anything besides a stir fry and if you can learn some great dishes using more "local" ingredients, I imagine it would help lower your grocery bill.

Similar to above, don't feel bad about wanting to eat some of the same food you did at home.  It's all you know and it can be very comforting and provide a much needed sense of "normal."

Transport
Get an MRT card straight away - works on trains and buses.  Tap it when you enter AND when you disembark.  They'll be crowded, so get rid of any ideas of sitting and reading a book on your commute.  I first relied heavily on the trains and thought I had to live NEXT TO a station, but I MUCH prefer buses.  Door to door service, TONS of them in SG, easier to get a seat and being above ground really helps you orient yourself.  I wish I would've taken them more at first.

Walk on the left side of the sidewalk.  Escalators:  stand on the left, walk on the right.  This is so much harder to get used to than you'd think.

Phone
Work provided mine so no tips on getting a new one, but store your old number on Google Voice.  You have to complete this step from the US (or have a dad and boyfriend that are willing to deal with the painstaking process on your behalf :))  Get a SIM card right away so you can use the internet to navigate and find places to eat.

Important apps to download:  Burpple (like Yelp for food), Food Panda (food delivery), MyTransport, Uber, Grab Taxi, ComfortDelGro (my favorite taxi company)

Language
Read up on Singlish and British/Australian slang/alternate words.

Money
There will be some gap in time until you get your local back account, so get a card at home that has a checking account with free foreign transactions and free ATMs.  I use Charles Schwab and I couldn't love that thing more.

Packing
It's true that less is more and that you CAN get virtually anything you want in Singapore, however there are a few things I wish I would've brought.
- Sheets and pillows.  I'm picky and had ones at home that I LOVED.  Still can't find exactly what I want.
- More pants for work.  The office is a frigid bitch.
- Hair dryer and straightener with correct voltage -- the ones I bought were super expensive and still pretty shit for my thick hair.
- Extra outlet adapters.  I'm super smart and brought ONE.
- Depending on the apartment, street and/or construction noise can be a real hassle.  I LOVE sleeping in my ear plugs and eye mask and you might, too.
- Appropriate jammies.  I wasn't used to having roommates, especially male roommates, and I realized my typical lounge clothes at home are super minimal.
- More bras.  Two words:  boob sweat (AND it's super hard to find nice ones in Singapore).
- An everyday sunscreen that doesn't smell like sunscreen for face and hands.
- Hangers.  Seems silly, but it was annoying that I wasn't able to unpack right away.

Shopping
Truly every store is here (and lots of each):  Ikea, 7/11, Cara, Forever 21, H&M, Gap, etc., so you'll be able to buy just about anything you want.  Except for gum, decent bras and poppy seeds (the Expat Wives group above goes on and on about this).

Entertainment
Bring DVDs from home and/or research and get a VPN ahead of time.  Some days it's rainy or you're hungover or just plain homesick and all you want to do is watch Sex and the City for 5 hours.  There's no shame in this and you should come prepared.

Travel
Look up the public holidays and start looking into travel for the weekends that are w/in the first two months you'll be here.  Travel over those holiday weekends gets expensive, so book in advance if you want to go somewhere.

Use skyscanner, Kayak, flights.google.com and Scoot to look for the cheapest flights, and then book directly on the airline's site.

Making Friends
Don't underestimate how hard the first bit will be knowing no one.  It's hard.

In general, people are very friendly and welcoming to newcomers, but it's hard because it's day-to-day normal life (not vacation), so it takes a lot of time to build deep relationships with people.  It sounds duh, I know, but when you have a bad day at work and you are used to calling your mom or best friend on your way home to vent, you likely won't be able to do that here thanks to the lovely time zone differences and it's hard to not have that local support right away.  If you get to know a few really nice folks they'll start inviting you out, to brunch, etc straight away.  [Shout out to the lovely friends I have made here in SG.  You guys are such kind and generous humans and I feel pretty lucky to have fallen into this friend family.]  Once you have a few people you know, don't be shy about setting up dinner parties, movie days, bar crawls, etc.  Everyone is in the same boat and wants friends and they appreciate you setting up stuff, too.  Some people told me joining sports teams is a great way to meet ppl - I'm not sporty so that wasn't for me, but look into it if that's your thing.  There's soccer, golf, run clubs, dragon boating, etc.

Say yes to stuff.  Even when you're tired and feeling anti-social.  Don't shy away.  Put yourself out there even though it can be scary.

FB groups to join:  Singapore ExPat Wives (okay you won't meet people on here, but the shit people post is HILARIOUS - it's a secret group so you have to get invited so track someone down asap to invite you), First Thursdays Group Singapore, Singapore Expat Gal Pals

Self Care
Take care of your self.  Know what makes you function the best and don't let those things fall by the wayside.  For me, I need sleep, exercise, healthy food and human connection.  Don't delay getting healthy food, go grocery shopping day 1.  Find out where yours is and go.  Hop in a taxi and ask them to take you to the nearest Cold Storage if you have to.  If exercise is your jam, you cannot do it from 8a-8p its just too hot.  Join a gym right away or join something like guava pass or kfit where you can go to lots of classes.


Once you're a seasoned expat, be the welcome wagon for others.  Your kindness, friendliness and generosity, even in the smallest ways, will be so deeply appreciated.

I'll leave you with this article that I wish I would've read before I left:  http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/what-to-know-moving-abroad/1075004/